Are you the jealous type? I used to not be. I was very much okay with casual dating and hooking up from time to time. When I was in a serious relationship I never got the urge to look through my man’s phone or question where he had been. I always felt as though if they want to leave, they can leave. I’d be fine on my own. That was until I met Ryan.
This man is everything to me. He’s sweet and kind and caring and the absolute love of my life. I don’t believe that he would ever do anything to hurt me intentionally, but once you’ve been hurt a few times, you get a little cautious. Now I’m still not going through his phone constantly or blowing him up when he’s a few minutes late, but I do get curious about things that don’t “add up” in my head. He’s a man who, finally, I feel is worth the effort and attention to detail that it takes to make a relationship go the long haul. So sorry if I get a little protective of what’s mine.
The both of us have had our turns with the green monster. It’s caused huge fights that left us so confused and spent. Lucky for us, we work our way through it and continue working on our levels of trust and communication even after we’ve reached a resolution so that we can avoid arguing in the future.
Jealousy can be very toxic to a relationship. It can cause stress, arguments, distrust, and may even force your partner to check out of the relationship. One can be jealous of anything if they choose to be. You can be jealous of your partner’s success or the way they interact with people.
Some make the mistake of equating jealousy with love or thinking that since their partner is jealous, it means they care about them. That’s not always the case. While strong feelings for someone can often lead to jealous tendencies, one doesn’t have to be in love to be jealous.
Although a little jealousy can spice things up in certain situations, pay attention if your partner is limiting your actions. If you aren’t “allowed” certain places or “banned” from speaking to certain people with no good reason to accompany the request, you may need to reevaluate the relationship you are in.
As with many other things in life, communication is key when trying to put aside jealousy in your relationship. If your partner’s actions are causing you to feel uncomfortable and/or jealous, have a talk with them. Sit down face to face and let them know exactly how you are feeling and why you are feeling that way. If he or she truly loves you, they will understand and appreciate you coming to them rather than harboring those feelings which could eventually boil over and become toxic.
If you see that your partner is showing signs of jealousy and hasn’t expressed themselves to you yet, take the initiative to reassure them that there is nothing to be jealous of. Most of the time our imagination runs WILD once we get even a hair jealous. Earlier, I said I get a little curious when things don’t “add up” in my head, well this is exactly what I was talking about. I start thinking about small things way too much. He was supposed to be home 15 minutes ago, but I know that one girl from the check out line flirted with him yesterday so he must have stopped by the store to see her again because she has the kind of eyes he likes. Sound familiar?
As the partner of someone who may be jealous, you have to be sensitive to how they are feeling. If there’s nothing to worry about, don’t call their concerns “crazy” or be dismissive of them completely. Let your partner know that you understand where they are coming from and assure them that you are dedicated to the relationship.
In my experience with my current relationship, I have been on both sides. Being the jealous one is just as stressful as being the one someone is jealous of or over. I’ve lost sleep thinking about who that bitch was snapchatting my man at 7:53pm on a Tuesday night just after dinner, but I’ve also been hurt by the assumption that I was entertaining other guys. Jealousy isn’t easy for either side.
We’re working hard everyday to better ourselves in order to make our relationship better. I try not to joke about his “side chicks” too much and he does his best to leave stupid jokes about other men out of our conversations because no one likes to be accused of cheating. We also do our best to communicate our feelings and thoughts before our imaginations take off with them. We realize that putting jealousy aside is an important task for a relationship to succeed.
If you are in a relationship and are having a problem with jealousy always remember:
- Do NOT make assumptions
- Communicate often
- Be understanding of your partner’s feelings
- Don’t let your imagination trick you
- Respect boundaries
And most importantly remember that if things don’t work out, you will be fine without them. If they are lying to you and deceiving you then they weren’t worth your time anyway. Also if you are with someone who can’t dump the jealousy even though you’re putting your best foot forward, it’s okay to dump them. Trust is a HUGE part of a relationship and if there is none, then what’s the point?
Every day on social media I watch jealousy destroy relationships. I don’t want to see that anymore. Tell your partner you love them, show it to them in every way, give them all of the love and attention that they deserve.
See you all in the next post. Bye friends!